Apple Can Suck My Balls

Because I hate Apple, and Apple Freak-Jerk-Wankers, so much, I’ve decided to invent my own language whose sole purpose is to spew negativity about the Apple brand through any means possible.

Just like native Eskimos have many different words to describe snow, I think that my language should have many different ways to describe how much Apple Sucks.

What’s funny is, I know a few hundred people visit this site everyday,and many of you are mac fans. Does this offend you? Does it? Well guess what, fuck you and your stupid, crappy, lame, overpriced piece of shit computers.

And your 3G iPhone too, you freakin’ wankers!

Anyway, without much further adieu, here’s our first word:

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Sapendogphil – \SAH-pendog-PHIL\, noun
A macfreak who is sexually attracted to canines and Dr.Phil, but only on Wednesdays; A dog screwing, Dr.Phil watching mac user who waits in line for every new piece of crap Apple pukes out of Cupertino.

“Oh geez, its Wednesday and that sapendogphil is at it again. Poor kid, when will he learn that lusting after dogs and watching Dr.Phil on his Macbook just isnt cool”

“Oh my god!! What are you doing to the dog?? Why is Dr.Phil on TV??? You make me sick you sapendogphil!!! Im getting a divorce!”

“You see that sapendogphil over there? Watching dog porn at Starbucks on his mac…I guarantee there’s a Dr.Phil self-help book in his breifcase”

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Keep the words coming people!! ACSMB is going to put out a dictionary by the end of summer…we’ll get this stuff into Webster’s and then its free ACSMB T-shirts for everyone!!

Well MacFans, Ive been absent as of late.

Mainly because telling the entire Mac-humping community to suck my balls is just a lot of work, and I’m kinda tired. I mean, too much ball-sucking fun and it gets old ya know?

I do find it amusing that Vista is now preferred over OSX by over 100:1. That’s a bigass ratio MacDorks. Almost as big as the ass of certain cake loving whore I fondly remember as Hog Ass.

But, I digress…here’s a poem to make you smile.

Dear MacFreaks,

You can all suck my balls.

Love,
Admin

Yep, the company that produces the most popular portable music player seems to actually despise the people who create the music that necisstates the very existance of the device. Check this out:

Apple Wants to Cut Artist’s Royaltess Down to 4%

It’s a shame the musicians are too busy making music to really focus on developing a business model that could put asshats like Apple and the RIAA out of of commission for good. Maybe someday…

I’d like to hear what you Apple loving freaks have to say about this, and possibly offer an explaination for the sinister acts of your seemingly benevolent corporation.

Did I mention we SELL T-SHIRTS?

Well well Apple fanfreaks – look like your precious treasure chest of ‘innovation’ (if you define innovation by repackaging existing concepts with fluffy exteriors and charging a premium for them) is going to destroy the tech industry:

Apple Ruins Nasdaq

LOL! Look at that stock fall!! Seriously, you can watch it fall by the minute over at Yahoo Finance

I can barely contain myself…the entire tech market is judging its profitability based on iPod sales. Everyone on earth owns a freaking iPod – how can these fools sell any more of them? It’s called market saturation people…look it up!

Me personally, Ill buy a Zune and a $400 Dell notebook so I have a little cash left over to pick up the pieces when Apple is down to $5 a share. Maybe Ill throw a quarter into the case of your MacBook Air when you’re left panhandling on the street corner, caressing your iPod Touch for warmth as you mourn the loss of your life savings…