Crapple Soda

I’d like to sip upon a Crapple Soda
Drinking sweetness through a straw
Economic Tailspin
Im so glad, my iPhone’s monthly fee
Was worth being late on my ARM mortage
Internet access, cool motion sensor
Havent been laid in 10 years
Ask my pocket protector
Buy another white plastic turd
Called a macbook
Economic meltdown, with bubbles.

A New Language

Because I hate Apple, and Apple Freak-Jerk-Wankers, so much, I’ve decided to invent my own language whose sole purpose is to spew negativity about the Apple brand through any means possible.

Just like native Eskimos have many different words to describe snow, I think that my language should have many different ways to describe how much Apple Sucks.

What’s funny is, I know a few hundred people visit this site everyday,and many of you are mac fans. Does this offend you? Does it? Well guess what, fuck you and your stupid, crappy, lame, overpriced piece of shit computers.

And your 3G iPhone too, you freakin’ wankers!

Anyway, without much further adieu, here’s our first word:

Sapendogphil – \SAH-pendog-PHIL\, noun
A macfreak who is sexually attracted to canines and Dr.Phil, but only on Wednesdays; A dog screwing, Dr.Phil watching mac user who waits in line for every new piece of crap Apple pukes out of Cupertino.

“Oh geez, its Wednesday and that sapendogphil is at it again. Poor kid, when will he learn that lusting after dogs and watching Dr.Phil on his Macbook just isnt cool”

“Oh my god!! What are you doing to the dog?? Why is Dr.Phil on TV??? You make me sick you sapendogphil!!! Im getting a divorce!”

“You see that sapendogphil over there? Watching dog porn at Starbucks on his mac…I guarantee there’s a Dr.Phil self-help book in his breifcase”


Keep the words coming people!! ACSMB is going to put out a dictionary by the end of summer…we’ll get this stuff into Webster’s and then its free ACSMB T-shirts for everyone!!

A Long Hiatus

Well MacFans, Ive been absent as of late.

Mainly because telling the entire Mac-humping community to suck my balls is just a lot of work, and I’m kinda tired. I mean, too much ball-sucking fun and it gets old ya know?

I do find it amusing that Vista is now preferred over OSX by over 100:1. That’s a bigass ratio MacDorks. Almost as big as the ass of certain cake loving whore I fondly remember as Hog Ass.

But, I digress…here’s a poem to make you smile.

If I had a Mac
I wouldnt stammer
I’d smash that fucker
With a ball-peen hammer
If I had an iPhone
I wouldnt wait
I’d throw that bitch
Down a sewer grate
If I had a MacPro
Well, I guess Ill come out of the closet
Id keep that sucker
But Id put Vista on it

And this is why bitches!

Vista Faster Than OSX on Apple’s Own Hardware

Vista Rules

WoooohoooO!! Suck on that MacFreaks!

An Open Letter To The Mac Lovers of the World

Dear MacFreaks,

You can all suck my balls.


Apple Hates Musicians

Yep, the company that produces the most popular portable music player seems to actually despise the people who create the music that necisstates the very existance of the device. Check this out:

Apple Wants to Cut Artist’s Royaltess Down to 4%

It’s a shame the musicians are too busy making music to really focus on developing a business model that could put asshats like Apple and the RIAA out of of commission for good. Maybe someday…

I’d like to hear what you Apple loving freaks have to say about this, and possibly offer an explaination for the sinister acts of your seemingly benevolent corporation.

Did I mention we SELL T-SHIRTS? :D