Apple Can Suck My Balls » Poetry

A Holiday Wish

admin — Fri, 27 Nov 2009 22:32:06 +0000

Here’s a little yuletide rambling for the fans, and for you mac sucking little Apple freakazoids that get all giddy whenever one of those annoying ass commercials starring this douchebag comes on TV:

Actually, I shouldn’t be so trite. I haven’t met Justin Long in person, and who knows maybe he’s a heck of a guy. But, he sold his soul to the Cupertino Conglomerate, which automatically justifies his douchebaggery. So without much further ado:

FUCK YOU, JUSTIN LONG
APPLE IS FOR DOUCHEBAGS

Ah, that felt better. Now, on to my little rhyme:

Fuck you Apple loving freaks of Planet Earth
Your mother has hated you since the dawn of your birth
You like shiny white plastic and mortgaging your spleen
to afford a computer and 10 jars of Vaseline
Smear it all over that iMac
Get that iPhone ready for love
You can suck my balls Apple Community
But be sure to handle them with kid gloves
Because…
Apple Can Suck My Balls
And You’re All Fucking Lame
Apple Just Bent You All Over
So Smile, Here Comes the Shame!

LOSERS!

Crapple Soda

admin — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 15:51:33 +0000

I’d like to sip upon a Crapple Soda
Drinking sweetness through a straw
Economic Tailspin
Im so glad, my iPhone’s monthly fee
Was worth being late on my ARM mortage
Internet access, cool motion sensor
Havent been laid in 10 years
Ask my pocket protector
Buy another white plastic turd
Called a macbook
Economic meltdown, with bubbles.

How Much Do You Hate Apple?

admin — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 09:01:05 +0000

How Much Do You Hate Apple?
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How Much Do You Hate Apple?
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Brainwashed Apple Fanzoids Have To Go!

Some Saturday Tomfoolery!

admin — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 03:54:58 +0000

Today, allow me to butcher this great poetic verse by the legenday Robert Frost:

“After Apple Picking” by Robert Frost:

My long two-pointed ladder’s sticking through a tree
Toward heaven still,
And there’s a barrel that I didn’t fill
Beside it, and there may be two or three
Apples I didn’t pick upon some bough.
But I am done with apple-picking now.

Ahem…

“After Apple Picking” by ACSMB.com

Another product released to great fanfare
Stocks rise as Jobs grins
Honored as a god of men, but bathed in sin
Form follows function without so much care
Honor that is not deserved but taken
From the hearts and minds of freaks forsaken.

That means YOU, Apple Freaks!!

Ooh look, not all artists think the Mac is the ‘Industry Standard’…

Stay tuned loyal readers!! Next installment of ‘Building a Mac Killer’ tomorrow – apologies for the delay! Wading through Apple’s BS can slow me down sometimes

Friday Poetic Rectitude

admin — Sat, 06 Oct 2007 01:19:08 +0000

‘Rectitude’, such a cool word. It means courage, honor, intelligence…qualities an Apple zealot has tasted little of. For you, Apple fanboys, I write these words:

Dearest Apple, with your three percent market share
Your computers are overpriced and underpowered
And yet, your die hard fans seem not to care
They’ll defend you to the end of time,
Spending all their funds, every last dime,
On your latest and greatest technological toy
A touchscreen! Fat Nano! Oh goodness! Oh joy!
I admire you Apple, for biting the hand that feeds
You do it with such style, it is something to see
Perhaps Ill get a Mac one day
Ill give in to your libidinous calls
Aw shit
I’m just fooling
You can
Suck.
My.
Balls.

Friday Linux Kicks OSX’s Ass Sideways Video Goodness!

admin — Fri, 21 Sep 2007 19:55:54 +0000

Watch ‘em and weep ye pathetic deciples of the forbidden fruit:

Can the Mac you just spent thousands on do that? Considering it doesnt even compare to Windows in terms of software support, and it’s only claim to fame is a nice GUI, can it even compare the the FREE GUI slickness of Linux & Beryl? LOL! I think not…

And what would Friday be without a little poetic justice?

A Bazillion Years of Torment

Salt Rubbed Into My Eyes

I Still Wouldnt Give Up One Dollar

To Buy Into Apple’s Lies

A Cozen Bunch, Those Corporate Sluts

With Their Fancy Pseudo Coolness

They’re Just A Bunch Of Apple Dorks

With Grandiose Abominousness

Im out! Have a good weekend freakazoids!

Friday Haiku!

admin — Fri, 14 Sep 2007 15:03:53 +0000

Apple, a vile stenchA rotted fruit? No, your Mac Worthless fanboy slaves
Ah, the Haiku. The simplest literary form, and yet there are so many rules! It never ceases to fascinate me. The above Haiku, while I admit it is a truly brilliant quip, doesn’t really adhere to the traditional form other than its 5-7-5 syllabic structure. But you know what? I can do whatever the hell I want, because I wrote it.See, I dont think you Apple freaks could ever write freeform Haikus…your world is dictated to you by the blood sucking corporate weasels at Apple. Making your decisions for you, telling you how your computer will run, what it will be built on, and then charging you double just because they know you’ll pay for it.

You think you’re being cool and trendy and cosmopolitain by going agaisnt the universal awesomeness of Microsoft - but in reality you are catering to an even more restrictive dogma. All your computers are the same, all their users share the same mentality – the same sense of false individuality - kind of like mold.