An Ode to Overpriced Plastic Crap

Dear Apple,
How do I hate thee

Oh purveyor of cantankerous detritus
Oh fine swindler of technological putrescence

A macbook pro, fervid slop
Quivering jello pudding pop
I’d like to rip your ass in two
Freeze one half then take some glue
And stick it to my dirty shoe
Id walk around and through a field
My hate, like an axe do wield
The legions of hypocrisy
Lined up in wait for iPhone 3
Roast in hell with your wankery

Oh purveyor of cantankerous detritus
Oh fine swindler of technological putrescence

I hate you Apple with my very essence.


15 Responses to “An Ode to Overpriced Plastic Crap”

  1. you are so right. they are fucking douchebags

  2. Amen brother. A-fucking-men.:)

  3. Your site is excellent and I am so glad for it!

    From a practical stand point: I can not understand why people spend so much money on a MAC when they can use the extra money they save by buying a PC on things that are more important-Like food, rent, clothes etc. (Sarcasm x a million)

    So sad man.
    By the way, I have a friend that owns a MAC and is ready to go back to PC. No computers are perfect. People should realize that.

    anyways, keep up the good work!

  4. Someone with a brain. on October 10th, 2009 at 9:53 am

    Oh look. My macbook hasn’t broken. Is a lot faster then Windows. Fully 64 and 32 bit, which microsoft can’t do, the mac OS takes up just 5GB of space, and the GUI looks a lot better.

    Face it windows fan boy. Macs may not be perfect, but they are a lot better then Windows machines. (Which have a WTF are you doing attached to them)

    And have you tried a Mac? for real?
    And the fact that its the industrial standard for people like graphic designers, and the numbers are on the rise. Its easy to see which it better.

    So take your viruses, BSOD and a huge frustrating OS and shove it up your arse.
    I shall be cruisin all of the time here.

  5. Riiiight… Because Windows doesn’t come in both 32 and 64 bit flavors, a 15GB OS is a HUGE problem considering today’s itsy-bitsy terrabyte drives, and eye candy is what hardcore computing is really all about.

    I work on Windows, Mac, and Linux machines, and I’ll take Windows any day of the week, hands down. This argument that Macs are somehow ‘better’ than Windows machines is pure nonsense – not that they aren’t more stable, per se (at least, statistically speaking), but rather that their stability is born of the tight marriage of hardware and software, specifically drivers, that Apple has over the platform. This is more of a personal preference than anything, but I’ll take the occasional buggy driver if it means I can run the colossal combination of hardware and software supported by Windows systems over the much more limited options on the Mac side.

    I’ll concede that Macs are the industrial standard for graphic designers (at least, that’s what I keep hearing from Mac people…including the many with whom I’ve worked personally), but in literally every job I’ve had I haven’t heard exactly WHY they’re better. You ask a Mac guy this question and he answers “Macs are better at graphics than PCs! Duh!” As if that makes any sense at all.

    What blows my mind is that companies out there will throw money at their dear and beloved Macs left and right (my company is in the process of paying about $30,000 for three new Macs…yes, you read that right: 30K), and why are they doing it? Because their local Mac designer team said they’re better at ‘graphics’ than PCs. Keep in mind that this same group of Mac ‘experts’ need me, the PC guy, to stop by whenever they need a network printer mapped, an application installed, or the occasional pesky hung app knocked back into shape.

    I guess the thing that annoys me most isn’t so much the constant blabber by Mac fanboys that Macs are better at multimedia, graphics, etc (I’m not even saying they’re NOT better…I just have never heard a real reason that they are) than PCs, but rather that management at most companies seems oblivious to these rantings being totally unsubstantiated.

    I’ll put it this way: if I started working for a company that had nothing but Macs and I told my boss I needed a Windows-based PC to do my job, you can bet I’d have to come up with an ironclad justification to introduce a non-typical machine into an otherwise-standardized environment.

    But Mac users aren’t bound by such natural laws. Instead, if they want a Mac installed in a company full of Windows PCs, all they have to do is plead the Mac users’ secret weapon: “Macs are better at graphics.” Somehow, this magic phrase gets them whatever it is they want.

  6. Snurfer 4 Life – Thank you! I have no ideas why people spend money on a mac. I guess because ‘Macs are better at graphics’.

    Bob – Thank you for the post sir. We’re not the only onces who are seeing through the rot in Apple’s core!

    ‘Somone with a brain’ – my you are a witty son of a bitch arent you? No one here is a ‘Windows Fan Boy’ as you so ineptly phrased the sputter of neurotic mac addicted stool that excreted from your puny little brain. Yes, unfortunately I have tried a mac. No, it’s not better than Windows. It’s a different system, that is all. It’s different SOFTWARE. Because, what you don’t realize you skinny little jackass, is that your overpriced piece of SHIT mac is running the EXACT same hardware on the inside as any PC brand like Dell,etc. Macs are not ‘better at graphics’, both machines have the same software for standards for graphic design. They are ‘industry standard’ because graphic oriented people don’t know shit about computers, and blindly follow media trends in a vain attempt to stay hip and cool and fresh and awesome.

    THIS is why Apple attracts users. Not because they’re better, but because they’re the ‘cool kid’. The funny thing is, by so staunchly defending Apple, YOU are proving yourself to be a panty waisted little nerdling. Stop eating ice cream at night and thinking that using a mac makes you handsome. Do start showering, because despite what you think being a mac owner doesn not exclude you from body odor.

    That’s probably a little too much for your little hipster scene kid mind to process, so I’ll let you go back to play video games on your Mac.

    Oh…sorry loser, your overpriced $2000 shitbox can’t really do that now can it?

  7. Admin – That’s not really fair about the games. You and I both know Macs support a WIDE assortment of cutting-edge first-person simulation realtime strategy stealth puzzle games. iPhoto, for exam-…oh, wait. Sorry. I meant to say iTun-…er, hang on.

    What about Zork?

    Marble Madness?

    Sim City?

    And the spinning pinwheel is kind of like a game when you try to roll it across the tops of the dock…

  8. @Bob

    I’m not sure your experience is typical. Maybe things have changed in the last few years since OS X has increased credibility for the Mac. But as Windows PCs dominate the corporate market, historically the burden of justification has been on those employees desirous of having a Mac on their desk. Not the other way around as you seem upset about. The all-Mac shop is still a rarity these days.

    As for the advantages Macs have over PCs for multi-media and graphics designers, I’m not knowledgeable in the specific differences in the creative applications available for each platform (although Keynote kicks all kinds of ass over Powerpoint). Nevertheless, it has been my experience that the Mac OS and and Mac applications in general have traditionally had higher levels attention paid to issues of user-interface consistency, and typically have fewer configuration and troubleshooting issues requiring expert assistance. Macs are tops in user satisfaction. This ought to count for something.

    Sure the Mac and PC experience is getting closer all the time. Windows 7 may be the closest thing to a Mac yet. We’ll see how that works out. I will say that for web developers, the Mac’s multi-OS capability offers the unique ability to natively preview web pages in both Windows and Mac browsers, eliminating the need for an extra computer. Anyone that routinely creates cross-platform content would appreciate the Mac for that reason alone.

    Too bad that simply supplying your workers with a computer that makes their jobs more pleasant and less frustrating is not generally considered adequate justification for the Mac. Instead it seems that many IT managers are mainly interested in leveraging only what they know, and perpetuating the Microsoft monoculture.

  9. Brett,

    Perhaps my experiences have been the exception rather than the rule, but I can say that in the last three places I’ve worked this has definitely been the case. That’s also what I hear from other PC techs as well, but I’ll admit that some of that might just be their annoyance with Macs in general.

    I do find your comment ‘Windows 7 may be the closest thing to a Mac yet’ amusing. You know, because everything Microsoft does is a ripoff of what Apple has already done. Since when did copying someone else’s good idea with your own spin make you a pirate? Okay, there are definitely clear examples, but that’s like saying that Ford ripped off GM for being the first to install GPS, power windows, or power steering into their cars (no, I don’t know if Ford did any of these things, or if GM had any of those things first…just a dumb example). Innovation should be created to the innovators, yes, but to point a finger at everyone else who sits up and implements their own variety of that good idea is ludicrous. The Mac OS has always has GREAT search capabilities (well, other than some big issues with an early release of Leopard, anyway), and when Microsoft implemented some excellent search functionality into Vista I thought it was freakin’ fantastic – but all the Mac fanboys stood up to shout that Microsoft was once again just trying to mimic Apple.

    Then there’s the multi-OS platform. While it’s true that Macs offer this, and while yes, as far as the end-user is concerned it does help with the idea of ‘going Mac’, it’s a sore point for me only because PCs are every bit as capable of running multiple OS’es as Macs, and the only reason they don’t run Tiger, Leopard, Snow Leopard, etc, is for legal reasons – namely Apple’s proibition of this activity.

    I’d love to see Microsoft turn around and say “Hey, we don’t want anyone running Windows on a Mac” and then watch Apple scramble. Boot Camp won’t be worth a dime at that point. But Apple’s marketing arm uses their own stinginess on this subject to claim that their OS is superior. “Hey everyone! Macs are better than PCs! You know why? Because you can run Leopard AND Windows on them!” Ah, excuse me Apple, but the only reason I can’t run Leopard on a PC is because YOU WON’T ALLOW ME TO!


    Oh, one great point you made was supplying workers with a ‘computer that makes their jobs more pleasant and less frustrating’. Okay, I’ll give you that…to a point. However, as a PC user I get very frustrated working on Macs because the GUI alone is so different. Learning curve, yes. But could Mac people do the same on a Windows machine? Again, the answer is yes. I’ve got a graphic designer in house who told me that if I made him switch to a PC he’d quit. He didn’t have any issues with Windows stability – he just didn’t want to learn the OS. So the door swings both ways.

    But the bigger issue I have is that of support and stability: in my Windows environment I control antivirus/antispyware installs, versions, and updates by means of a centralized console. I can remotely install/uninstall/reconfigure just about any application or user setting. I can remotely take control of systems sitting thousands of miles away to provide remote support (okay, Macs can do this too, but the tools to do so are not nearly as varied or streamlined). I can push security updates remotely and dictate when and how they should be installed. I can inventory, scan, and disable systems if needed. Last time I checked, Macs just don’t offer this sort of desktop management. And as an IT manager for a company with many different geographical sites around the world and only a handful of techs, I don’t want to have to babysit my systems deskside whenever any of them needs, well, anything.


  10. Bob, I will say that I’ve enjoyed a round of Marble Madness in my day. On my Amiga 500. In 1988. :)

  11. @Bob

    I appreciate your lucid and factual response.

    There’s no doubt that forcing everyone in your company to use PCs makes your job as an IT administrator easier, especially as it is important to lock down the network and perform timely antivirus updates and software patches.

    From a market-share perspective, Microsoft’s catering to business needs was a smart move. People required to learn and use Windows at work naturally choose what they already knew when buying a home PC. This was a significant factor contributing to the development of Microsoft’s monopoly during the early days when, at least in my opinion, the Mac was vastly superior from an end-user standpoint. (Not so much these days.)

    That is not to say that there weren’t were other factors that held the Mac back. If you think Macs are expensive now, the price differential used to be even more substantial. Before the Apple stores, Macs were actively sabotaged in the retail channels. Salespeople were poorly trained and openly hostile to the Mac. The computer press (largely supported by advertisers of Wintel goods and services), did a poor job (deliberately or not) of fairly reporting on Apple’s products and business. Apple just couldn’t get no respect.

    Apple chose use a different business model than Microsoft– that of selling an integrated hardware/software solution rather than just licensing an OS to others. It would be foolish and self-defeating for them to attempt to compete with Microsoft on their terms using their business model. Even if Apple could match the business features of Windows. It’s just too late. How many companies would actually take the risk and put forth the effort and expense to change their OS and applications company-wide? Could Apple even make enough money licensing OS X to other computer manufacturers? They tried this in the 90s and it threatened to destroy their own high-margin hardware business. Would the advantages of tight integration with hardware disappear as Apple had to support multiple vendors various configurations? I just don’t think its feasible.

    So Apple is relegated to a boutique brand. I don’t think they’ll ever displace Microsoft in large businesses for reasons we both understand. Nevertheless Apple can nibble away at small businesses and departments where support is local– typically one employee willing who takes on the responsibility part time.

    My concern as a Mac user has been that Microsoft doesn’t steamroll Apple out of existence. This once seemed a possibility. Thankfully, with Apple market-share on the rise, this is unlikely. I hope the Mac always remains an option for those who do have the power to choose their own tools.

  12. Well, on this we can agree – I don’t want Microsoft steamrolling Apple either. If they did, what would my graphics designers do? More importantly, what would I have to complain about? I might actually have to start paying attention to politics, sports, etc…! Cripes – put my eyes out now!

    Absolutely Apple chose their own business model. Like you said, competing against Microsoft outright would have been disastrous. So by that logic I don’t have any issue of Apple selling what they do to the people who buy them. What I do have a problem with is the upturned nose of the collective Mac community, their arguments always coming back to the Mac being better than a PC.

    I’ve said it before, so I won’t rehash it again, but I find it amusing that this idea stands up at all.


    To go back to my automobile example, it would be like Honda building a new line of cars and selling them to the general public, telling them that the vehicles are customizable, they can be driven on asphalt roads, dirt roads, beaches, over rocky terrain, whatever, so long as the right parts are properly purchased and installed.

    Then you have someone like Saturn coming along and selling their own car at twice the cost, but providing all the accessories (engine, tires, etc…), as well as a very nice, sleek, smooth asphalt road, and telling their buyers that they can ONLY drive that car with those parts on that road. Sure, it’s gonna run smooth as heck, never have any real problems, because all the parts from A to Z are designed as a single cohesive machine that is only permitted to operate in a very controlled, very limited environment.

    But in the process the buyers miss out on the rest of the world. And in their envy/ignorance/whatever, instead of coming to grips with their predicament, those buyers instead point to the cars made by Honda and say ‘Those Hondas are always breaking down, getting flat tires, and getting dirty! I’d rather walk than drive one of those!’, while ignoring the fact that the reason those Hondas have issues at all is because they’re out in the real world dealing with real environmental and varied manufacturer issues and the price those drivers have to pay is the occasional breakdown.

    I know there’s a lot of animosity in each community, directed toward the other, but 9 times out of 10 I can honestly say it’s the Mac guys’ attitude that kicks things off (this awesome website being example #10).


  13. I think it is simply a matter of priorities. Everything involves a tradeoff. For some people, the Mac way (a smooth stylish low maintenance ride with limited options) is most appropriate. For others, configurability and choice are a requirement.

    There are clearly there are those for whom the Mac is not the best fit. That includes businesses that desire central control, people requiring specialized applications with no Mac equivalent, hard-core gamers that want the best selection of the latest games, people that want the expansion capability of mid-sized towers, netbooks or other form factors and features not available in Apple’s limited lineup of computers, techies that like to build their own computer from parts, people with huge investments in Windows applications, people that couldn’t afford a Mac even if they wanted, and the list goes on.

    Nevertheless I think many people currently running Windows would actually be happier on a Mac. Their needs are modest: email, web browsing, mp3 player and digital camera hub, a little word processing, maybe some personal finance program, and a few games. Most of these people run Windows for no other reasons than that most of their friends seem to, and that Macs have a higher upfront cost. Most of what they know about Macs is negative and woefully out-of-date propaganda and FUD. Every few years when their PC grinds to a halt, they dutifully buy another. But over time, some of these folks will eventually become switchers. Apple’s latest TV ads in response to Windows 7 are certainly aimed at them.

    I think the animosity of fanatics on both sides of the debate is due to their assumption that everyone’s priorities and values should match their own.

    While Apple zealots can certainly be obnoxious, keep in mind that a larger percentage of Mac users have had significant experience with both Windows and Mac, than the converse. The most frustrating discussions I’ve had with anti-Mac zealots are with those that condemn all things Apple out of general principle. They often have a very distorted view of the true capabilities of Macs. Nor are they interested in learning the facts.

  14. “The most frustrating discussions I’ve had with anti-Mac zealots are with those that condemn all things Apple out of general principle”

    And there’s where you got it wrong bucko. It’s not Apple nor their products that most “what-ever-you-call-someone-who-USES-windows (not sucks it’s balls)” folks hate; no it’s the arrogant Apple fanboi bastards we hate. You guys would lick Steve Job’s balls if you had the chance. FUD is all you know and all you speak about if it’s not an Apple product.

    You say “Nevertheless I think many people currently running Windows would actually be happier on a Mac. Their needs are modest: email, web browsing, mp3 player and digital camera hub, a little word processing, maybe some personal finance program, and a few games.” So let’s see I just want to do basic stuff so I’ll go out and spend $1200 on a Mac when I could just buy a netbook for $300. That makes a lot of sense coming from a moron like you.

  15. If a $300 netbook with its tiny screen, miniature keyboard, low-speed Atom processor, and Linux OS meets your needs, great. By all means, go for it. Apple has nothing to offer in that price range and probably never will.

    However many people will discover that a cheap netbook makes too many sacrifices to be one’s main computer.

    An alternative to consider for anyone shopping in the under-$1000 price range is the recently released Macbook (currently $960 on Amazon — tax-free and delivered). Sure, this is 3x the cost of the cheapest netbook, but you get what you pay for.

    The Macbook has a 13.3″ LED backlit screen, webcam, 2.26GHz Core2 Duo processor, NVIDIA 9400M graphics, 802.II n Wi-fi, 1000base-T Ethernet, full sized keyboard, 250MB HD, 2GB (upgradable to 4G) DDR3 RAM, optical drive, 5-Year battery with up to 7 Hours operation on a single charge, ILife software, and more.

    It has the communications and processing speed to handle tasks that would bring a netbook to its knees. The Mac is capable of typical operations like video chatting, managing a large music collection, editing family videos, and playing action games.

    Now you may be temped to cite a comparable Windows portable for less money. I’ll admit, there might be one that comes close (notwithstanding Apple’s exclusive features like Magsafe power adaptor, multi-touch glass trackpad, and extended life battery). But the biggest feature Apple has in its favor is OS X’s tight integration with the hardware. Sure the Macbook’s clean lines and styling put the completion to shame, but the fit and finish of the software is what makes the Mac a joy to use day-to day. The lack of Mac viruses (so far) is a plus too.

    People should at least visit an Apple store and take a firsthand look at a Macbook before dismissing Apple’s offering as something only a moron would suggest.