Apple Can Suck My Balls

Ah my little macobytes, a greater feeling of warmth has never been felt by your favorite blogger. A more intense feeling of satisfication and righteous indignation has never been reveled in so much as now. Why, you ask?

Hahahahahah!! Muhahahahahaha!! Bwahaahaha!!

It’s over mac freaks! No more waiting in line lusting for whatever pathetic shiny plastic crap will be unveiled at the keynote. No more blogging about what Apple might have waiting in the wings. No more staying up late at night while your girlfriend is sleeping so you can crank one out to the latest spy photos of the next gen iPod. What is a mac-loving turtleneck wearing apple slut to do?

Personally, I dont know. The only thing that makes me slightly sad about this whole thing is that there will be a little less about the Apple community that I can pick on. You know, pictures like this one:

LOL. Cracks me up every time!! F R E A K S!

Oh well turdwranglers - I’m off for now. But do me a favor - when you cry like pathetic babies over the demise of this POS company, save your tears and send them to me.

I’m going to distill out all wussiness and make an extract that I can take whenever I feel like being an emotional pansy ass. Which is never, so I’ll just sell it back to you on Ebay for a profit.

Sneaky sneak Apple takes down site after negative media attention

Well well well, a little media hype and your interest in your users takes a back seat to backing up your lies and filth, huh apple? You dirty rat bastards!! Listen to this garbage:

“We have removed the KnowledgeBase article because it was old and inaccurate,” an Apple spokesman said in an e-mailed statement. “The Mac is designed with built-in technologies that provide protection against malicious software and security threats right out of the box. However, since no system can be 100% immune from every threat, running antivirus software may offer additional protection.”

Umm…ya think? Are you kinda sorta maybe admitting now that your bs claims about ‘no viruses on a Mac’ just maybe were sorta…LIES?

Listen kids, all computers get viruses and malware. Mac’s werent targeted much because they were so obscure and nobody wanted to own one. But now, thanks to malicious ad campagins, outright lies and propaganda, their market share of the PC market has increased 1%. Now the jackass virii writers have your number, Crapple. Im going to laugh till I shit my pants thinking about all the stupid arts and crafts, evian drinking black turtleneck wearing beatnick sonofabitches who are going to show up at the genius bar in the next couple months because they don’t know what anti-virus software is.

Silly Apple - will you ever learn?

Because I hate Apple, and Apple Freak-Jerk-Wankers, so much, I’ve decided to invent my own language whose sole purpose is to spew negativity about the Apple brand through any means possible.

Just like native Eskimos have many different words to describe snow, I think that my language should have many different ways to describe how much Apple Sucks.

What’s funny is, I know a few hundred people visit this site everyday,and many of you are mac fans. Does this offend you? Does it? Well guess what, fuck you and your stupid, crappy, lame, overpriced piece of shit computers.

And your 3G iPhone too, you freakin’ wankers!

Anyway, without much further adieu, here’s our first word:

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Sapendogphil - \SAH-pendog-PHIL\, noun
A macfreak who is sexually attracted to canines and Dr.Phil, but only on Wednesdays; A dog screwing, Dr.Phil watching mac user who waits in line for every new piece of crap Apple pukes out of Cupertino.

“Oh geez, its Wednesday and that sapendogphil is at it again. Poor kid, when will he learn that lusting after dogs and watching Dr.Phil on his Macbook just isnt cool”

“Oh my god!! What are you doing to the dog?? Why is Dr.Phil on TV??? You make me sick you sapendogphil!!! Im getting a divorce!”

“You see that sapendogphil over there? Watching dog porn at Starbucks on his mac…I guarantee there’s a Dr.Phil self-help book in his breifcase”

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Keep the words coming people!! ACSMB is going to put out a dictionary by the end of summer…we’ll get this stuff into Webster’s and then its free ACSMB T-shirts for everyone!!

Well MacFans, Ive been absent as of late.

Mainly because telling the entire Mac-humping community to suck my balls is just a lot of work, and I’m kinda tired. I mean, too much ball-sucking fun and it gets old ya know?

I do find it amusing that Vista is now preferred over OSX by over 100:1. That’s a bigass ratio MacDorks. Almost as big as the ass of certain cake loving whore I fondly remember as Hog Ass.

But, I digress…here’s a poem to make you smile.